My Biggest Regret Till Now

 Academically, I was a decent student, it was just a bonus that none of my friends had the surname 'Sharma'. So I managed to keep most of my academic years free of comparison. When it came to extra curricular activities, I now realize that my parents put me into classes which, if done well, would have been the best way for the all round development of any child. Be it sports, be it music, I had the opportunity to do it all inspite of all the financial burden it brought on my parents. But as usual my biggest enemy kept me from reaching my true potential. That enemy is "LAZINESS".

My family had quite early on discovered that I had a knack for singing. Of course like all the great superstars it started with bathroom singing, however, one day they put forward the option to learn singing professionally, yes Indian classical singing, the one where you learn to do 'harkats' with your voice. It somehow caused anxiety within me and that's when I realized I didn't want an audience for my songs. Strange, I know. They were insistent but I was in no mood to agree to it. Finally just to do away with the 'singing in front of others' fear we came to a compromise, I agreed to learn an instrument. I learnt it for five years before my biggest enemy and boredom took over and defeated me.

Now when I have lived more than 30 years in this world, have sung multiple times in front of live audiences and on YouTube, I realize my limitations. My singing is decent, but I could have been good, I could have been way better than I am right now if I had just paid heed to what my parents suggested. Now when I am a parent myself and make plans for my child's future, I realize that this is exactly what my parents must have thought and how right they were. Life would have been slightly different if I had listened.

My singing voice and its limitations remind me daily of my biggest regret, 'Not Learning to Sing'.

Listen to your parents, 'sometimes' they know better😉

However, if you still want to listen to a decent voice 😜

Ashwin's YouTube Channel

This is where you will find me.

The City That Was !!!

This was where I was born
Not Westeros, not Mereen & certainly not Dorne.
The city of dreams, once it was
But now is just a lost cause
People came with dreams and hope
But now we survive on unrealistic expectations, rejections and dope
Happiness can't be seen on anyone's face
Screw the happiness, we know its a race
Our eyes harbour only frustration and rage
Not much left before the trapped terrors break the cage
The day a 'Mumbaikar' slapped another for getting into his train
I realized, its boiling blood that's running this city, not someone's brain

Adieu

This holiday was different than the previous ones.
It led to a lot of final goodbyes.
Some, because they are hell bent on migrating to a country where everyone seems to be using a selfie stick.
Some, because I've realized I don't hold a place in their life anymore or vice-versa.
Priorities change with time.
The above statement is not applicable to married couples (unless they are filing for divorce).
All I can say is, let the people important to you know once in a while
That you still remember the amount of money they owe you
Otherwise I assure you their priorities will change.
Till Next Time !!!

Shootout at .....lets not call it Wadala

The place I used to stay earlier had a boys hostel right in front of it. The boys ages ranged from 17-25, not that it mattered to me, but it did matter for a few female friends residing in my building. It was much later that I came to know that the girls put a cheap binocular and  a desi telescope to good use in order to spy on these unsuspecting boys.

The boys of course had no clue about this and went on with their half-naked hostel life. Most of the times all the girls could find were a few pot-bellied, spectacled boys roaming around showing off their family packs. Once in a while they would find a guy with a decent body and would end up ogling at him like when a predator sees a prey after a lo...ong time.

I hope they haven't taken any controversial photographs of the guys. I don't want them to feel traumatized knowing the fact that they have been used by these girls without even them knowing (yes obviously they would've felt better if they knew).

As a return gift to my female voyeur friends, I have confirmation that they too knew who stayed where (I am only talking about the girls) and they too had a guy on duty with binoculars to give them regular update on "viewings".

So much for injustice on women. Men, we are being targeted.

P.S : I just heard that on reading this article a few hostel guys recognized whom I am talking about and they have already ordered a set of used weights from OLX, for their workout....for a better visual treat. 

Disclaimer : Any views or opinions presented in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the females mentioned above. If you are not the addressee mentioned in the above article you my please forward it and let the actual party know about it and let hem know they might become famous.

Happy Wedding Anniversary Mom & Dad !!!

I have an affinity to the concept of a "love marriage". It is because I had a first hand view of how a love marriage should work, right in front of my eyes. I have been seeing and experiencing it for the past 13 years......I say 13 because before that I was more interested in cartoons and chocolates. But when puberty hit and the hormones jagruk hua...thats when I realized there's something called as love.

My  initial thought process was that love was based on looks and it further led to marriage and then I found out that Shakti Kapoor was married, so that thought process was shut down with a bang.  It took me a while to realize it was mutual respect, admiration and the ability to adjust that contributed to a successful marriage. I would also attribute it to the husband's fear of his wife (believe me I have seen it).

I have seen my parents holding onto each other in sickness and in health.  

 

A few changes observed in their personalities post marriage:

1. Dad left alcohol for fear of not being allowed into his own house by mom.

2. Mom started tolerating vulgar jokes cracked by dad and me.

3. Dad's pre-marriage "figure" represented poverty (the thin malnourished look) but post marriage he successfully developed a belly (which represents prosperity)

4. Even mom had a malnourished look before marriage but people didn't feel pity until she was pregnant. People say she looked like she was carrying triplets but were surprised when only one big human was retrieved.

5. The last but best surprise was that their kid turned out to be "taller, stronger and sharper" than them and no this was not because of horlicks.

Being married for 26 years is a huge feat but to remain in love for such a long time is an even bigger achievement. I wouldn't call it a miracle because it was  a constant effort from both parties to keep this relationship going strong.

I can only pray that I would do justice to my marriage(whenever that happens) and be as lucky as both of you.

Happy Wedding Anniversary.

BORED

I have the interest span of a child
One moment I watch the news and the next moment I turn to Man vs Wild
My interest wanes with a snap of a finger
Even "hot scenes" can't force my thoughts to linger
I am ill, something has affected me, I know it
Medicines aren't working, not even a bit
Boredom has settled it, somebody kill it
The fact that I am lazy isn't helping a bit
My friend tells me to talk to a girl
It'll be fun, like the McDonald swirl
The conversation is off to a good start
I am gonna gift my friend a pop-tart
Five minutes later, in frustration I roared
Coz she asked me," Why do you sound so bored?"

A little help can go a long way ( a true story)

I have turned 45 this year and like every year I am grateful to two people to whom I owe my life. First is God and the second is an army officer who granted me my second life. If it was not for them I would have been a slave in some house in Arunachal treated worse than an animal and I would've probably committed suicide. Apparently God had other plans....better plans for me and so here I am today celebrating my birthday (I am not even sure of the date) with my wife and two children.

In Arunachal Pradesh slavery is still found in the remote villages where amongst the local population you can find  few Assamese and Bihari individuals, especially ladies. The contractors double up as pimps and these ladies are bought from none other than their husbands. There have been cases where the couple already has a child by the time the husband conspires to sell his wife. The wife is kidnapped according to a pre-planned operation and the child is used as the bait for the lady to go with the kidnapper wherever he wishes to take them. The destination is usually a remote village which has no connectivity by road. The only route to reach there is a foot-track along riverbeds and mountains which takes at least 2-3 days to cover. The fear of the child's safety compels the lady to overcome all the obstacles and reach the village.

Once there, the lady is kept confined to the house for a month with a 24 hour guard. She is made to work within the house and regularly threatened with dire consequences if she tried to escape. After about  a month when the woman has lost her strength partially because of hunger and partially because of the mental torture, she realizes that there is no way she can escape and she gives in to fate and willingly submits to her captors wishes.

Polygamy is permitted in Arunachal Pradesh even today and so even though she lives with the kidnappers family which include his wife and children, she is sometimes subjected to rape and ends up getting pregnant. As a result of this, you can find non-local looking individual with a local surname. The surname does not prevent him from being treated like a slave. The kid and the mother are never allowed to leave the village even after many years just so to present any chances of escaping.

My mother was one such lady from Bihar who was sold by my father along with me to a so called contractor for Rs 50,000. I may have been 5 when I reached my kidnappers village. At that age I couldn't fathom the severity of the situation as my main interest was eating, playing and sleeping. It was much later that I came to know that my mother was beaten repeatedly when she insisted on going back to Bihar. By the time I was 10, I had started working in the fields, carrying loads, cutting wood and not doing anything a normal 10 year old boy would do. My body would ache by the end of the day. I would gobble up whatever I was given to eat and doze off.

Somewhere around this my mother had been raped by the kidnapper when everyone else in the house had gone to the fields. Within a few months I realized she had become pregnant with that man's child.  She hated herself for this but could do nothing about this since she had no medical amenities to get an abortion. She sank deep into depression and we talked lesser and lesser. A time came when she stopped talking altogether and I suspected that she may have actually become mute. She had become a living dead body. I remember myself wishing it would be much better for her to die rather than live like this. I think God heard my plea.

She died during her delivery along with her stillborn child. I did not realize that she had been lying dead , I just thought she had been sleeping and I did not want to disturb her. Since she was just a slave there were no tears on her passing. It was when I saw her being lowered into a pit that I realized something was wrong. The shock hit me so hard that I was all alone in the world that I actually started stammering after that incident. Till date I stammer and everyone believes that I had this from birth (or that's what I told them).

The next few months went without incident  until my kidnapper  started beating and abusing me for small things. My mind was facing a motley of emotions which included fear, anger, tiredness and despair. It was during this time that my saviour had landed in the vicinity. Since this village was close to the borders it was frequented by Indian Army patrols. There was no army persons who stayed permanently in the area until one day I saw a helipad (which I understood much later) being created. Within 2 months a few army personnel being staying close to the helipad in tents. Amongst them was an officer of the rank of Major. He started visiting the village and interacting with all the people. The kids especially took a liking to him as he used to distribute chocolates. The slave kids were not amongst these as they were rarely left free to pursue anything other than work.

The villagers were helped with ration and other adm requirements by the army and so they had a soft corner for the army guys. They would be invited to the villagers home for lunch or dinner regularly. One evening I found them dining in my kidnappers home. It was here that he noticed me for  the first time and since I looked different as compared to his host, his curiosity caused him to enquire about me. A few blessed souls in the village told him my story which, he told me, affected him badly and he made up his mind to help me. He would find reasons to come to my kidnappers house and would try to have a conversation with me. I was more afraid than curious which caused me to run away every time I saw  him approach me. Slowly, with time, I gained enough courage to talk to him. He talked in length about my conditions in the village and how the people treated him. In all innocence of a small boy I told him everything I knew and wept for about 30 minutes.

With no pre-indication he dropped a bomb on me, "hey boy, would you like to escape from here?" I looked at his face and I could see tears glistening in his eyes but he controlled himself well enough not to cry. His question was filled with emotion and the sincerity in his voice gave me strength and before I knew it, I found myself blurting "Yes" without even waiting to think about it. It was decided then and there that I would not be staying in this God forsaken place much longer.

I was instructed to stay in trouble and to act normal till the time he makes arrangements for my escape. I was excited and at the same time I feared what would happen if someone found out. I would surely be killed without a second thought. Days and weeks passed with no indication of me leaving from the village. Then one evening all the villagers were invited by the army persons for dinner. Sure enough I was left behind in the house. This actually worked to my advantage because no sooner did the villagers leave, two army jawans came to get me and all I was told is that its time to go. I did not think twice before holding their hands and fleeing from the house. I was taken to one of their tents where I was told to hide till morning with a jawan standing guard outside. I did not realize when I had fallen asleep because the excitement had got my heart beating so fast that I thought my heart would explode. The officer woke me up and told me its time. He pointed towards a cardboard box and told me that I was to hide inside it until he himself told him to come out. The villagers had partied the whole night and most of them were dead drunk by morning and so they didn't realize or they didn't bother when a helicopter landed in the  helipad and they saw the jawans carrying and loading a cardboard box into the helicopter.

I realized that I was being carried but had no clue where to. I suddenly heard a loud noise approaching close to me. I found myself shivering with fear thinking that something was coming for me. Yes funnily it was coming for me which I realized much, much later. Since I had never known what a helicopter is , the concept of something flying in air was alien to me. I was loaded into it and the officer had come along  just to ensure there are no hassles in my escape.

It seemed like an endless wait for me before the officer finally opened the box and looked at me with a huge smile. The first words he told me, " you didn't get to say bye to your kidnappers". I didn't quite understand what he said until he said, "turn back boy, look around, you are free". When I did turn around I was no more in the village, I had been magically transported to a different place in this weird looking thing called a helicopter. I was admitted to a hospital where I stayed till I regained my strength. I was regularly visited by the officer and he used to treat me with chocolates for which I had developed a taste. One day the officer brought along with him a nun, she was the sweetest human I had ever met till now. She said I would staying with her with a few other children till I grew up. I could think of no better alternative than this. When I understood the magnitude of help the officer had done in rescuing me I leapt into the his arms and just cried till I couldn't any more. He understood this was my way of thanking him for granting me this second life.

All this happened nearly four decades ago but till date each and every detail is crystal clear in my mind. I haven't told my kids about my past but by writing this today I want them to know how their father reached where he is today. If reading this compels them to help at least one child I believe my work on this earth would be done.

A little help can go a long way, all you need is the right intention.